Laugh! Helpman a short story in Rumic World Vol.2 by Rumiko Takahashi butchered by d.n.a.b. additional trimmings by Wing Yi [Scene outside a typical Japanese high school. Students are beginning to leave the campus for home.] Student: bye bye Student: Yeah! It's over, it's over!! [A sheepish boy walks out of the school's gate to meet this girl, and they begin to walk together.] Boy: Girl: Hiromi-kun!! Hiromi: Ah, Makoto-san! Makoto: Why, it got so rowdy today! Even our class could hear it! Hiromi: ........ Makoto: You've got that passive look on your face - so did you do it? Hiromi: But that teacher kept on harassing me! Makoto: Yeah, that teacher has a bad rep for being extra mean to students... Makoto: What he did was terrible! You poor thing. Hiromi: Is that so? Makoto: That guy is just a no good! Hiromi: It seems he won't stop nagging me until I started to behave just as improperly........ Makoto: That's not without good reason! If I didn't grow up with you I'd be scared of you too..... [Hiromi drops his briefcase.] Makoto: Wait a second... Hiromi-kun...... Hiromi: Scared.....? Am I scary...... Makoto: Don't get excited!! [Hiromi begin to shiver uncontrollably.] Hiromi: It's not as if I like to be this way....... [A smoking, shaded bully interrupts.] Bad boy: Hey! Where are you two going?!! Makoto: What do you want! Bad boy: If you want to pass here..... [He holds out his left hand.] Bad boy: then sponsor me!! Makoto: So you must be new around here then!! Bad boy: So what about it?!! Makoto: No bad boy in this block would pick on Hiromi-kun!! [The unconvinced bad boy picks Hiromi up by his shirt.] Bad boy: Heeh! Is this little boy that strong?! Makoto: Please stop!! Hiromi: Ahh...... Bad boy #2: Hey! That Hiromi, could it be..... Makoto: That's right! It's that Yakushiyamaru Hiromi!! Hiromi: Let go, pl..please! [The other bad boys have heard of the terrible Hiromi.] Bad boy #2: Yakushiyamaru Hiromi..... Bad boy #3: Tha..that terrible Helpman! Bad boy #2: Se..senpai, don't mess with that guy!! Bad boy: What do you know about him? Bad boy #2: Even our old boss couldn't handle this guy!! Bad boy: I didn't hear about that! Bad boy: By this weakling, heh! Bad boy: I don't believe it...... Hiromi: Please let me go! Hiromi: I, I'll forgive you for what you just did...... Bad boy: So what if you won't forgive me!! [He throws Hiromi at a nearby tree.] Hiromi: ........ [Hiromi takes off his glasses.] Bad boy: Oh! Makoto: Stop it, Hiromi-kun! Bad boy #2: Run away, senpai! Bad boy #3: When he takes off his glasses.... Bad boy: Shaddup! Don't act like chickens!! [Hiromi seems determined. He is powering up.] Bad boy: Comon, you bastard! Makoto: Nooo! Stop!! [Hiromi holds his clenched fists to his eyes.] Hiromi: [WHUAAAAA! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!] Makoto: He did it...... Bad boy #2: It's out..... Hiromi: [whuaaaa! whuaaaa!] Bad boy: Son ufa bitch!! People are watching! [Still weeping, with one arm shelding his face, Hiromi grabs Makoto and begins to run.] Makoto: Ah! Bad boy: ..... ..... Makoto: Stop it! This is embarrasing! Hiromi: [Whaa! Help me! Help me!] [The blushing bad boy in total confusion.] Bad boy: What the hell happened...... Bad boy #2: But I told you. He's the dreadful Helpman. [Spectators have gathered around the gang.] Spectators: [They've made that guy cry.] [This is pitiful.] [They're worthless people.] [Hiromi still crying and holding Makoto, turns around a corner as two housewives watch on.] Woman: Ah! The Helpman is crying again. Woman 2: Still crying at his age. [Hiromi finally stops running. And just as suddenly as his outburst, he puts back his glasses and turns completely back to normal. He looks around the corner for agressors.] Hiromi: ....... Hiromi: They're not following....... Hiromi: I'm glad..... Makoto: Glad of what?! Even a cry baby has to grow up!! Hiromi: But I'm weak...... I can only protect myself with this...... [slap] Makoto: Baka! Hiromi: Makoto-san! [Whack on the head.] Makoto: Coward!! Hiromi: Makoto-saaaaan! Makoto: Aaaahn, enough!! [Makoto runs away in shame. A voice comes from nowhere.] Voice: Are you weak!? Hiromi: I am weak..... Hiromi: Eh!? Wh, who's there? [A little fairy is seen turning a spring screw attached to the back of Hiromi's neck.] Fairy: One, two!! Hiromi: ..... Fairy: Yeah, I did it! I did it!! Fairy: You're my toy now. Yeah! Yeah! Hiromi: ........ Fairy: Wait, I haven't tighten the spring yet! [Hiromi walks, then runs away from the fairy.] Hiromi: ...... Fairy: Hey, you!! Fairy: Waaait!! Hiromi: [Help! A demon!!] Hiromi: [Help!] Man: There he goes again.... [Hiromi runs into a briefcase suddenly appearning out of the corner.] Bad boy: This guy did come back for his briefcase! Hiromi: The...., there, de..., demon..... Bad boy #2: Don't get any ideas! Senpai is the grudge bearing type!! [The fat boy tapes Hiromi's mouth.] Bad boy: Well, let's go! [The gang of three escorts Hiromi away from the scene. Makoto watches from afar. Behind her we see the little fairy "running" towards Hiromi.] Makoto - He messed up! He shouldn't have come back right away...... [Scene at a quiet warehouse. Makoto contemplates behind a tree not far from the warehouse.] Makoto - A little physical lesson will do him some good. This will teach him something; all tears can't solve everything. [Inside, bad boy leader is tieing Hiromi's hands behind his back, using obviously the fat boy's belt, since the fat boy is holding his pants up with his hands.] Bad boy #2: Senpai, tie his hands up and you got him where you want him. Bad boy: I know that! Bad boy: And he can't peel off the tape either. Bad boys: Senpai you're so smart!! Bad boy: Let's see you cry now! [Bad boy slaps Hiromi.] Bad boy: Cry!! You bastard!! [Then he kicks him into a corner. But now we see the fairy trying to tighten the screw again.] Fairy: Hey, I'll make you strong now! This is the Energy Transformer, you see..... Hiromi: ? Fairy: This will convert Minus Power to Positive! You were so weak, this will make you really strong! [The little fairy is trying to turn the screw as big as she.] Fairy: Comon! [Bad boy kicks Hiromi on his head.] Bad boy: Comon, shed some tears at least!! Cry!! Fairy: Whah! [The fairy is repelled from Hiromi, but the bad boy spots the screw.] Bad boy: Hum? Bad boy: What the, this guy has a spring attached! [The bad boy is now turning the screw.] Fairy: Alright, tighten tighten! Makoto: Is....is he alright....? [The screw takes effect on Hiromi.] Bad boy: Wha! Bad boy: What's with him!? [Hiromi breaks from the belt with his bare hands.] Bad boy: Ah!! Bad boy #2: My belt! [And he rips the tape off his mouth in a single brisk motion.] Bad boy #3: Senpai, I think he's going to cry!! Bad boy: Calm down, nobody can hear him from here. Hiromi: Heh heh heh heh heh heh.... Hiromi: [Kyaahahahahahahaha] [Hiromi picks up a "heavy" rail cart.] Bad boy: WHOA!? [Hiromi throws the cart at the gang.] Hiromi: You assholes!! Bad boy: Waa!! [The gang run out of the warehouse from the hole Hiromi created, fat boy still holding on his pants.] Bad boy: Mo... monster!! Hiromi: [Kyahaahahahaha] [Concerned Makoto sees Hiromi.] Makoto: Hiromi-kun!! Hiromi: Makoto!! Hiromi: Come with me!! Makoto: But why!? Hiromi: So you can see me be strong! [Hiromi swoops Makoto up from her feet, and proceeds to leap over the gang and cut their escape.] Fairy: Let's go! Let's go!! Hiromi: [Kyahahahahaa] Makoto: [Kyaaaaa] Bad boy: Whaa!! [Hiromi punch apart a good size tree with his fist.] Hiromi: Don't go anywhere!! Fairy: Oh no, the spring wound down! [In the next three panels we see the fairy getting more concerned, while Hiromi gradually reverts back to himself.] Hiromi: My hand hurts! Hiromi: Makoto-saaaan! My hand, my hand Makoto: ...... Bad boy: [Waa!] Fairy: They're getting away! After them!! Hiromi: I don't want to bully them anymore! [Hiromi takes his glasses from his pocket as he's getting ready to put them on.] Makoto: What... what the heck are you.... What did you do to Hiromi-kun?! Fairy: I'm a space alien! [The fairy is working on Hiromi's screw again.] Makoto: But aliens don't exist! Fairy: I'm here, aren't I! [The screw takes effect again.] Makoto: Hiromi-kun, let's go home.... I think I'm a little tired now. Fairy: Please don't resist the reality! [Hiromi takes off his glasses again, with a wide evil grin.] Makoto: Waaait, Hiromi-kun! Fairy: Let's go! Let's go!! Hiromi: [Kyahahaahah] Don't let them scums get away! Boss: That Helpman? Are you guys feeling alright? Bad boy: But it's true, senpai. Bad boy #2: Suddenly, he just laughed..... Hiromi: [wahahahahaha] Bad boy: Waah! He's coming!! Boss: I remember beating him up when I was still in school. Yep, I had trouble too when he cried. Hiromi: Take that! [Hiromi kicks the door right off the yakuza's new car.] Boss: My new car...... Hiromi: Ah... [Hiromi puts his glasses back on.] Hiromi: I'm so sorry! Please don't hit me! Boss: That's alright. Thi...this is just an unfortunate accident. Hiromi: But I broke your door, I'm... I'm..... [The fairy is working on the screw again.] Boss: Well, if you're worried we can talk about my compensation ....... [Glasses fall off of Hiromi's face.] Hiromi: Bastard!! Compensation!? Hiromi: Two years ago, on August 25, 5:23 PM, you roughed me up! I won't forget that! [Hiromi picks up the entire car.] Hiromi: I wrote it in my diary!! [Wahahahaahha] Boss: My new car!! Hiromi: Assholes, don't run away!! [He throws the car at the gang.] Bad boy: Waa, he's stubborn!! Hiromi: Take that! [Another near miss breaks the wall of a nearby yard.] Man: He's destroying the district! Man #2: What is the police doing!! [A path of ruins is seen behind Hiromi.] Makoto: Hiromi-kun, please stop!! Fairy: Yeah! Yeah! Destroy!! [A little fist hits the fairy on the head.] Fairy #2: Hey you! Fairy: Ah!! Fairy: Pa, papa! Fairy #2: Making toys out of natives again, didn't you?! [The older fairy prepares to pull the screw off Hiromi's neck.] Fairy #2: Eei! Fairy: Don't do that, you'll mess him up!! [The old fairy succeeds and Hiromi loses all his steam in mid air.] Makoto: Hi, Hiromi-kun!! Fairy: See, you made him fall!! Fairy #2: None of my business! [Hiromi is unconscience as spectators gather.] Makoto: Hiromi-kun, be strong! Please don't die!! Makoto: Hiromi-kun!! [Hiromi wakes up.] Police: Let me through! Hiromi: ..... ..... Police: You, why did you destroy those properties? Makoto: Well..... It's that spring..... Makoto: This person was controlled by an alien ..... I'll be his witness! Police: A-li-en? Makoto: Please believe me! It's the truth!! Hiromi: ......... Hiromi: [Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh] Hiromi: [Kyahahahahahahahahaa!!!] Spectators: Waa! Hiromi: [Kyahahahahahaahhaha!!!] Spectators: Everyone run away!! He's acting up again!! [Makoto appears very disturbed.] Hiromi: [ha ha ha] [Hiromi puts his glasses back on.] Hiromi: Okay, let's get out of here! Makoto: Eh? Hiromi: They won't believe what you'd say anyway. Makoto: Now you do fake laughs? You are so shameless. END This is one of Rumiko's lesser known, but very entertaining, gems. Nowadays she draws short subject stuffs like Tragedy of P that's, well, depressing. I hope 22 pgs/week in Shonen Sunday isn't draining her creative power. BTW, if you're reading this and you didn't get this off r.a.a., that means somebody is forgetting to edit out the end of message (along with .sig and other garbage). Bad habit! Thanks to Wing who did the dirty work of proofreading, as I myself gave up on such task. This will be my last manga heresy in r.a.a. Junk like this belongs to it's own newsgroup, don't you think? dave