(Note: A 'kairaishi' is a 'Puppet Master Mushroom' (fictional, I hope). I'll use the Japanese term in this story.) Ranma 1/2, Volume 11, Chapter 7 English translation by Robert DeLoura (deloura@noaapmel.gov) Assistance on the tough lines by Hitoshi Doi [thanks, Hitoshi] - ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Don't you want to hold me?" (Page 102) A Chinese salesman is making a delivery to Nekohanten. Salesman: I've brought everything you ordered. Salesman: Soy sauce, oil, dried abalone. Cologne spots something among the salesman's goods, and picks it up. Cologne: Hm? Cologne: What's this? A kairaishi? I didn't order this. Salesman: Oh, my. Shampoo overhears the conversation. Shampoo: A kairaishi? What's that? Cologne: It's a special mushroom used in magic. Shampoo: Magic...? (Page 103) Cologne chops up part of the mushroom and makes some gyoza out of it. Cologne: For example, if we sneak it into some food.... Cologne offers one to the salesman, who accepts it and eats it. Cologne: Here, try one. Salesman: Thank you. Salesman: Oh! I shouldn't have eaten that. Cologne claps her hands. Cologne: Sleep! The salesman falls over backwards in his chair, snoring. Shampoo: Oh! Falling over seems to have woken him up. Salesman: Huh? Cologne: Well, shouldn't you be going? Cologne claps her hands, and the salesman falls over again, sound asleep. Shampoo: A conditioned reflex? Cologne: Yes, the first 'signal' they are given gets associated with the first suggestion. (Page 104) Shampoo looks carefully at the mushroom. Shampoo: What a horrible mushroom... If I were to use this thing.... Shampoo imagines feeding it to Ranma. Shampoo: (imagined) Ranma, taste this. Ranma: (imagined) Yum. Then she imagines the potential of snapping her fingers and giving her choice of suggestions..... Shampoo: (imagined) Hug me. ...and imagines herself in a loving embrace with Ranma. Ranma: (imagined) Shampoo. She can't pass up a chance like *that*.... Shampoo: I'll take it. Salesman: Thank you. (Page 105) That day, at Fuurinkan High School, everyone's excited. Student: Ranma and Kunou-sempai are going to have a duel! Student: Again? Student: Let's go watch! Kunou, however, has problems beyond his own incompetence. Sign: Sneezing Sign: Runny nose Sign: Congestion But hey, nothing stops Kunou. Except a competent opponent. He and Ranma have met for their "duel" anyway. Kunou: Wahahahahaha....aaaaaachoooo! I'm glad you've come, Saotome Ranma!! Student: Kunou-sempai has a cold!? Student: No way! Student: Fools don't catch cold! [a Japanese saying, I'm told] (Page 106) Ranma has some reservations about this fight, however. Ranma: Can you fight in that condition? Kunou: (surprised) Fight? Where'd you get that idea? Ranma holds up the note he got from Kunou. Ranma: (puzzled) But... Kunou motions him over. Kunou: Come here for a moment. Ranma goes over and leans his head towards Kunou, to hear him better. Ranma: Hm? Kunou: Ac...actually, my purpose today was.... Kunou coughs all over Ranma, on purpose. Ranma leaps away, irritated. Ranma: Wah!! Ranma: What was THAT for!? Kunou: Wahahahahaha*sneeze* You still don't understand, do you, fool!! (Page 107) Kunou chuckles as he explains. Kunou: You don't seem to realize that giving a cold to someone else makes you recover sooner. Ranma: OH, so you were trying to give me.... Kunou coughs at Ranma while he talks. Kunou: Take that!! The discomfort of a cold! Ranma stops him from coughing by putting a foot in his face. Ranma: Get some rest, sempai. In comes Shampoo, on her bicycle, for a perfect 2-point landing on Kunou's head, knocking him to the ground. Ranma: Yo, Shampoo. Shampoo: Hello, Ranma! (Page 108) Shampoo opens up the steamer she has on her bike, and offers Ranma a nice, warm... nikuman. With a little mushroom in it. ;-) Shampoo: Something new from Nekohanten. Try it. Ranma bites into it and starts chewing. Ranma: Something new? Isn't it just a normal nikuman? Shampoo: (thinking) No, it's not a normal nikuman at all. Now that Ranma's eaten a bite of it, Shampoo jumps on her chance. She snaps her fingers just as Kunou gets up with a sneeze so loud, he knocks Shampoo and her bike over. Shampoo: Hug me! Ranma stands there for a moment, then leaps upon Kunou with a fierce hug, rubbing his face on Kunou's chest. Shampoo/Kunou: .... (Page 109) The students are quite surprised. For that matter, so are Ranma, Shampoo, and Kunou. Student: He... hugged him. Kunou: What the hell are you doing....? Ranma boots Kunou away. Ranma: What're you doing?! You're disgusting!! Shampoo tries again. She snaps her fingers. Shampoo: Hug me! Ranma is unimpressed. Ranma: Hm? She keeps snapping her fingers, to no effect. Shampoo: (thinking) ...? Didn't the kairaishi work? Kunou leaps in at Ranma, with his wooden sword raised high in the air. Kunou: Ranma Saotome! You little.... Ranma turns around and leaps at Kunou, with a quick warning to Shampoo. Ranma: Watch out, Shampoo. You'll get hurt. (Page 110) Kunou sneezes in mid-air. Instead of Ranma punching him, he hugs him and rubs his face against Kunou's chest again. Embarrassed, Ranma puts a fist in Kunou's face as the students look on in surprise. Student: I saw that! Student: Ranma threw himself into Kunou's arms! Ranma: Wha... you've got it all wrong!! Shampoo thinks for a moment, and then realizes what's happened. Kunou's sneeze was so much louder than her finger-snap that Ranma's responding to sneezing instead of snapping. Shampoo: (thinking) What's going on?! (thinking) The suggestion is being triggered by sneezing!! (Page 111) Not to be outdone, she waves a pepper shaker in front of her face.... Shampoo: (thinking) Then I'll sneeze too! ...but the wind blows the pepper into the crowd of students, who immediately start sneezing. Ranma, of course, starts hugging all of them. Student: Ack!! Student: Hey!! Student: Leggo!! Shampoo's a little irked, and knees Ranma in the head. Shampoo: You'll do all this, but you won't hug ME?! She rides away on her bike, in a huff, leaving Ranma to his fate. Shampoo: How insulting! Student: Ranma, do you just go for any guy around? Ranma: NO!! (Page 112) Ranma tries to reason this out, to no success. Ranma: (thinking) What's happened to me.... (thinking) My body's doing this on its own.... Kunou sneezes. Ranma hugs him again. Ranma: Wah! I can't do anything about it!! Student: Can't help himself, huh? Kunou has his priorities, as always. Kunou: I will NOT go out with you! I absolutely REFUSE!! Student: Gee, I never realized they were this close. The students try to take this new relationship stoically. Student: We understand how you feel. Student: We're rooting for you, Ranma. Ranma: DON'T BOTHER!! (Page 113) Meanwhile, back at the Tendou household, Akane has come down with a cold. (Must have caught it from Kunou. Poor thing :-) ) She sneezes, and Kasumi looks concerned. Kasumi: Oh, do you have a cold, Akane? Akane: (rubbing her nose) Yeah, it's nothing serious, though. Kasumi is worried about leaving Akane alone and sick, without adult supervision. Kasumi: Father and Mr. Saotome have already left on their training trip... how inconvenient. Akane: It's okay, I said. Don't worry about it, go ahead and go on your trip. Nabiki, wearing a jacket, walks up behind Akane. Nabiki: You and Ranma-kun are going to be all alone together, tonight. Akane: Hm? Nabiki sits down to put on her shoes. Akane: You're leaving too, sis? Nabiki: You'll be all right, though! You're strong! (Page 114) Kasumi offers Akane a large wooden mallet, while Nabiki offers her some advice. Kasumi: Akane, on the off-chance Ranma attacks you, take this.... Nabiki: Just don't kill him, OK? Akane: Why are you bringing this up, anyway? They leave. Akane's sitting at the kotatsu (heated table) watching TV, and munching on rice crackers. Akane: (thinking) Nothing's going to happen. (thinking) Between Ranma and I.... Meanwhile, on TV, a male character is about to take advantage of a female one.... Woman: *scream* What're you doing, Umakichi-san! Man: Heh heh heh. It's useless to resist me, Ushiko! Their names mean "Lucky Horse" (male, wearing a horseshoe-patterned shirt) and "Calf/Young Cow" (female, with a bell in her hair). Akane watches the show nervously, but then feels a sneeze building.... Akane: Ah...ah...ah...achoo! Suddenly, Ranma has his arms around her, from behind. Akane drops her rice cracker in surprise. Ranma: Oh, I see!! The sneezes are causing it. (Page 115) Akane boots him into orbit, through the roof. Akane: *scream* Ranma: "OUCH!" Back in the Tendou house, Akane is trembling and gasping for breath. Akane: Ra...Ranma....? Suddenly, she remembers the TV show. Akane: (thinking) Huh? She imagines Ranma attacking her, knocking the table over as he tears her shirt off. Akane: (imagined) *scream* What're you doing, Ranma?!! Ranma: (imagined) Heh heh heh. It's useless to resist me, Akane! Akane: Oh no.... (Page 116) Akane nervously tries to come up with a plan to protect herself from Ranma. Akane: What'll I do? If Ranma's really serious about this... Akane: (thinking) I'm not [physically] strong enough to stop him.... She starts to sneeze again. Akane: Ah...ah... She sneezes. Ranma's back, with his arms wrapped around her from behind, again. Ranma: Hey, this is because of Shampoo's nikuman.... Akane kicks him through the roof again. Akane: *scream* Ranma: "OUCH!" Downtown, Ranma is hugging a random guy off the street, who happens to have a cold. He's very upset, as his girlfriend is taking this the wrong way. Ranma: Shit... messing with someone's body like this!! Guy: N...no, Yagiko-san! It's not like that! Her name means "Young Goat". Yagiko: NO!! Back in her room, Akane is preparing to defend herself against Ranma. She's dressed in a protective archery suit, with a bow, arrows, a bat, a hockey stick, Kasumi's wooden mallet, and a wooden sword. She has a bandanna wrapped around her head. Akane: This should be enough to fight him off for the night. TO BE CONTINUED . . . . ***EOF***